It must bother you so much that someone like him would choose someone like me over someone like you that you have to act out the way you do to try and get his attention because I have it for the rest of our lives. I’m pretty sure that makes me better than you in his eyes… you drunk obnoxious tactless ugly bitch.
What reading articles and books couldn’t prepare me for the mental changes that occur with having a child. I thought, “We’ve traveled. We’re done partying. We’re settled. We’re ready to be parents.” Yet last night I felt overwhelmed with… every feeling possible, most of which were pessimistic. I cried. Yes, I get sad. Sometimes really sad.
I resented Jason for being able to come and go as he pleases—going to Hooters late at night when his brother comes to visit, going to play basketball after work on weekdays, going to his dad’s to watch True Blood on Sundays, potentially getting 6-8 hours of sleep every night …while I’m at home every hour, every day living off naps and a restricted diet (because certain foods I eat makes Erik gassy and fussy). But fathers aren’t mothers, so I can’t hold him accountable for the same responsibilities. What he needs to take care of, he does. If not more. It’s me. I have to learn how to give and not expect to take from Erik or Jason or anyone, to not hold grudges and resentment for what is beyond my control, to realize that it gets better and better with everyday, to look forward to what the future holds for us as a family, to relax and breathe.
I don’t regret having Erik, especially when I look at him sleeping on my lap with his hand to his face, which is his preferred way of sleeping. He is an absolutely adorable blessing. Raising a child isn’t all rainbows and giggles; it’s work—and you have to remind yourself that. It’s also okay to cry.
My husband and I didn’t either. I wanted ‘Alexander’ and he wanted ‘Aleksandr.’ Middle name either Rowan or Ronin. We decided that neither of us can have it since we couldn’t agree. Instead, we went with Erik Logan (named after Magneto and Wolverine). Thinking back, we should have rock-paper-scissor it :)
Oh snap. The Mr and I don’t agree on how to spell Baby G’s name if it’s a boy.
my loves.
Erik Logan. August 14, 2011. 3:09 pm. 7 pounds, 7 ounces. 19 1/2” long.
